I’m at battle

Fighting a war

Not against  any country , society or group

I’m  at war with my  very own self

Oh how I wish it was with some troop

It would hurt me less , much lesser

I’m at battle

With the voice inside my head

A voice I’m so sick of fighting against

I’ve been at this war for 5 years now with no lead ,

Yes , I’ve lost

Lost everyday day for these five years

Yet , as the sun rises each new day

I put on my armor , pick up my sword and shield

To keep that voice inside by head at bay

With the hope that I’d no longer need to

Return to that very familiar battle field

I hope , and wish to fall asleep with satisfaction and pride

I want to be able to say

You’ve won , finally  you made it here today .

I’m at battle

But none of you know

No soul is aware of this battle

Some days I want to scream about it’s existence , and let it out

Let you all know about the demons

I’m fighting against every day with doubt

I wish someone noticed

I want to know that someone out there cares and loves me

Don’t judge me for wanting  to be cared for and to be noticed

For I’ve desired love , attention and care

All my life

And haven’t gotten it in any form

All I feel is despair

For I’m not good enough

Who , tell me who would want to love a broken person like me ?

Would you ? Let me know

No right ?  Don’t hesitate

It’s okay , I know

As they say

Some things are better of not known

This too is better off just in my head

I don’t need your pity or sympathy

All I want and need is your love and care .

But before that

I want to make peace with myself

I want to love myself

I want to be able to fall asleep at night

Without thinking about that familiar battle field

And what it holds for me tomorrow

The future of this battle is uncertain and bleak

But I won’t give up

I’m a warrior .